Becoming Yoga
The Story of How my Practice Saved me
The story behind how yoga and I found each other isn’t much of a romance novel. It wasn’t cutesy and I didn’t fall in love. The first time I took a yoga class was in 2015 at Bikrim Hot Yoga in Doylestown, PA. It was 90 minutes long and hot as hell. It was far from a match made in heaven, however, I played it cool; low key vowing to myself that I would never go again. At that point in my journey I didn’t enjoy much of anything outside of smoking Parliament Menthol Lights, vodka sodas, and closing down bars. About a month prior my grandmother passed away, a woman who played an integral role in my upbringing. I was so closed off that even if fulfillment slapped me in the face, I wouldn’t have noticed.
I didn’t take another yoga class until two years later. I found myself amidst a toxic two-year relationship and crippling anxiety. My coping skills consisted of smoking, drinking, and arguing. I was the most lost I’d ever felt. Corepower Yoga opened up their English Village location a month after I moved to the apartment complex stationed right behind it. I was so desperate to feel like myself again, I decided to give this yoga thing another try. I signed up for my first class and well, here we are. Prior to taking a class at Corepower, I didn’t realize there were muliple forms of yoga. Power vinyasa took me completely out of my head; a place I desperately needed to heal. It gave me the grace to forget about my life outside of those four walls. It welcomed me home.
Shortly after practicing at Corepower, I gave up the cigarettes for good. I tried multiple times throughout my 20s to quit, but would end up with a cigarette in my mouth once I began drinking. The moment I felt immersed in the lifestyle of yoga, there wasn’t a place for cigarettes in my life. Plus, try doing 20 chaturungas in a 98 degree room after smoking all day. This new form of movement gave me such a breath of fresh air at a time when I felt so stuck. About three months after beginning my practice, Corepower launched their 200-hour teacher training program at English Village. It was an opportunity that I couldn’t pass on; an opportunity that completely changed the course of my life.
I won’t lie and say my 200-hour was all butterflies and rainbows. Anyone who has done a yoga teacher training understands it’s a shit ton of work in a short period of time. Not only are you learning about yoga philosophy and how to teach, you are also learning about yourself. I began diving into self-development books in my early 20s, but the type of internal work that teacher training encourages does not compare. I was challenged to look at parts of myself; deep parts of myself that I’d kept hidden away. Looking back, I barely scratched the surface of my self-development during this time, but it was more than I’d ever done before.
After graduating from my 200-hour, I enrolled in an advanced teacher training program and then went on to teach at Corepower. Teaching felt so natural to me. This surprised me because I was terrified of public speaking in college. In a sense, it was like an art. I was able to create something from scratch that made my students feel so fucking good. And we all know that feeling of bliss at the end of practice when you’re sweaty and spent and your body sinks into the ground for savasana. It makes every second of that practice worth it. I was quickly learning that teaching became another way for me to experience that bliss.
Yoga was slowly beginning to appear in every part of my life. I gradually began to incorporate a morning meditation practice. I was questioning my mindset, values, beliefs and the mindset, values, and beliefs of those around me. Now don’t get it twisted, I still wasn’t living yoga. I was still drinking heavily, contributing to a toxic relationship, and identifying solely with my thoughts. However, there was change occurring. I could feel the change and I knew the change was coming. Looking back, I know now that I was living the change. My journey to becoming yoga had just begun and just like any change, I was so resistant.
My path to becoming yoga was uncomfortable to say the least, but it was a journey I am most grateful for. Slowly my confidence in myself began to grow. Yoga helped me to forgive myself for all the shit I was holding on to from my early 20s. It allowed me to see that I deserved much more out of life than what I was settling for. See when you hold on to guilt and shame, you don’t believe you deserve the best out of life; but once you let that shit go, you realize that you are entitled to have a life full of magic. And that’s what I so desperately wanted, a life full of magic. About three years later, I left that toxic relationship and I set sail on my greatest adventure of all; living yoga.
As I began to truly live yoga, I began to discover how beautiful my own company was. It’s almost addictive how much you enjoy getting to know yourself. Yoga became me as I became yoga. It altered my whole perception of reality. It made me a better human. About a year later, I broke up with my co-dependant relationship with alcohol. See once you are living yoga, you have no space in your life for blacking out and hangovers. It is wild how a conscious movement/mindfulness practice can completely change you. This goes for anything. Your yoga doesn’t have to be meditation or power vinyasa. Your yoga can be journaling, walking in nature, or traveling. Choose something that makes you a better you. That allows you to forgive yourself so you can set sail on your path to becoming yoga.
