Healing Your Relationship with Time

A common concern for many adults today is that there is not enough time in the day to accomplish our to-do lists and care for ourselves. We often either have to sacrifice our responsibilities or (for most of us) we sacrifice our health and well being. I, myself, so often get caught up in the hamster wheel of responsibilities; too much over scheduling and overcommitting myself and not enough space to care for my overall well-being. I daydream about how I would structure my day if my only responsibility was to care for myself; if time and money wasn’t a construct that ruled over my daily life.  So what do we do? How do we create more space in our day to check off our to-do lists, as well as properly care for ourselves?

Something I often wonder about is, did adults 40 years ago felt as limited in their day as we do today? In 1984, technology played a minimal role in most adults' lives and social media wasn’t even a thought. In my opinion, social media, technology, and the dopamine hit we receive from both make our days feel much more restricted than they need to feel. If you’re falling off, give me a minute to explain. Just before I began writing this blog post, I signed on to Instagram to upload a stream of stories for my business. While I was just supposed to post the stories and move on, I then went to check my messages – not all were business related – and then I found myself scrolling through my friends stories. All together this took about 45 minutes out of my day, when in reality it should have been no more than five. 

Step One 

Limit Technology

So much of our day revolves around technology. Many of us work on our computers for hours a day, only to stare at our phones and/or the television to wind down at night. But is staring at technology after a day of staring at technology even winding down? Even if you work in a manual labor career, does staring at a screen after work help calm your nervous system? I am going to go right ahead and make that a hard no because our nervous system does not understand the difference between work and the information overload from staring at a screen. If anything, it is keeping your nervous system in a sympathetic state, prohibiting you from truly winding down. In addition, think of all of the care you could do for yourself if you chose to put down your phone and turn off the tv. Consider the space you could create in your day if technology wasn’t even a thought.

Step Two

Learn to Say No

I believe we overextend ourselves with other people for two reasons: one – we have a fear of missing out + two – we are in a continuous state of pleasing people. While I do believe that we should spend some of our time in service to others, I do not agree that all of your time should be dedicated to other people; especially at the expense of yourself. I am sure you have heard the saying – You can’t pour from an empty cup. Well listen to it because you can’t. You cannot properly care for others if you are not caring for yourself. This does not mean that you say fuck everyone and only care about yourself. This means that you are more intentional about when you extend your time to others. A major shift I made to support myself with this is planning dates with friends around my cycle. So if I disappear for two weeks – now you know why.

Step Three

Learn to Love Your Calendar

In order to truly heal your relationship with time, you have to be aware of how you spend your time in the first place. A calendar is a helpful resource to gain perspective over the available space you actually have in each day. It also allows you to organize your time resulting in less stress and more regulated cortisol levels. I am a personal fan of Google calendar, but you can utilize any calendar platform or a traditional paper calendar. Part of my weekly rituals is to review my calendar each Monday morning so I am fully aware of the structure of my week. I’ve been maintaining a calendar for about two years now and it has truly saved my life. It has kept me from overextending myself socially, double booking myself, and has allowed me the freedom to live life more peacefully. I am never worried about forgetting a social event or missing a call with a client because it is always in my calendar.

Healing your relationship with time is more about gaining control over your life than creating more space in your day. We actually do have the time, we just are not utilizing it to a degree that would fully support us. Take these steps week by week. Week one – be mindful of the time you spend looking at your phone, your computer, and your television screen. Week two – begin to say no to events and plans that would cause you to overextend yourself. Week three – get serious about working with your calendar. By week four, the time should have had created itself. If healing your relationship with time is a topic that is of interest to you + you are looking to dive into more self-development practices, I have space for two more 1:1 clients for this fall/winter. Click here to schedule a brief clarity call to learn more about my holistic life coaching program, Evolve.

xx

b