Managing Bullsh*t at Work + Major Life Changes

Back in May I posted on my socials about a confrontation I had with a woman at my work. Said woman was attempting to bully me into making a call that is completely unethical for my position. Let me backtrack a bit. Aside from the glamor of Embodiment by B (sarcasm please), I also work as a school counselor in South Philly. I have been honoring the role as a school counselor for four years now. It has had its challenges nonetheless and I thought many times about throwing in the towel and picking up a few bartending shifts to supplement income. Back to my story. After the confrontation, I asked someone higher up to reach out to this woman and tell her that what she was asking of me was not allowed. When they did, I heard crickets so being so naive to the cutthroatness of the school system, I believed the issue was at rest. And oh boy was I wrong.

Last week, I was at a coffee shop prepping for the Sun Ceremony I hosted on Sunday at Monarch Yoga. I was still off my high from my trip from Italy and spending the last few weeks taking yoga classes, teaching yoga, and working with my life coaching clients. Honestly, life was feeling pretty good. And then it hit me like a sack of fucking bricks; an email from said woman basically outlining new protocols for the staff to follow including the unethical practice that she was trying to force me to do back in May. When I responded in professional protest, she emailed me back and said I could meet with her and the rest of administration about it upon my return, but the protocols would be set in place.

I immediately felt a tornado of emotions run through my body. I either remain at this position and do something against my own moral ethics, remain at this position, refuse, and then possibly get fired, or I finally – after four years – release the hold this career has had on me. To be honest, I’ve never enjoyed working as a school counselor the way I love teaching yoga and working with my life coaching clients. Don’t get me wrong, I love the students, but the position requires so much more than just meeting with them. I feel so torn, yet I know deep in my heart and soul what the right decision would be for me, I am just so afraid to pull the trigger. Afraid to lose the security; afraid that my three years of grad school was a waste of time; and let’s not even get started with the student loans.

I say all of this to you not for support – but rather to show you how exactly I have been navigating this experience; this major life change. I said to my aunt over the weekend; choosing to leave your career feels a lot like choosing to leave a toxic relationship. You put a great deal of time, effort, and commitment into it. You are so fearful of losing the benefits, however the benefits don’t even come close to outweighing the cost. The cost being you spending a majority of your time working for an organization that does not align with your morals and values. A place where you feel like you have to make yourself small to avoid confrontation. A career where you aren’t expected to voice your opinions, but rather fall in line. 

While I have been moving through this experience, I have been making sure that I am allowing myself to feel all of the feelings. That means not allowing myself to numb out via weed or alcohol – although it can be so so tempting to do so. Allowing myself the space to truly feel my feelings supports me in fully processing my emotions so that I can eventually move past them. Once the feelings aren’t manifesting in my body – which at the moment they still are – then I am able to make a more logical decision. I have also been seeking support from people who have experienced the same situation as I. For example, my aunt also used to be a school counselor in Philly so she understands my concerns and where they originate. Side Note – I always suggest seeking advice from a person whose life you admire. Don’t ever seek advice from a person whose life you would not lead. My aunt is now a licensed counselor with her own practice. This is a position that I could potentially one day see myself at.

I have also been heavy in planning my next move. Although I have not officially left my position, I have been seeking potential opportunities to supplement income and preparing for the next chapter of Embodiment by B. Above all, I don’t suggest leaving a career//job cold turkey without a backup plan to support yourself (as much as I considered selling all of my shit and moving to Bali). We do still live in capitalist America and unless you have a nice savings set up for yourself – do any millennials actually have this ?? – the bills will begin piling up.

As I am writing this, I do not know exactly what my next move will be, however, I do know that remaining in this position would contradict everything I stand for. My heart literally hurts as I write that, but it is undoubtedly the truth. If you are in a situation – relationship, career, addiction – that you know deep in your heart does not align with the person you want to become, it is time to make moves. It is not fucking easy, but I bet you anything, you’ve been through something harder. I don’t care what the world wants you to believe, but no one benefits from you settling for less than what you truly deserve. If you are navigating a major life change or you sense one is coming, please send me an email or a DM. I would love to connect.

xx

b