Creating Soulful Friendships in your Thirties
Hi friends! Welcome back. A topic that has been heavy on my heart these past few years is developing new friendships in adulthood. Currently, I work with elementary-aged children and it amazes me how easy it is for them to create new friendships. I witness six-year-olds walk right up to one another and say, ‘Hey! Want to play with me?’ So why is it so difficult for us adults to do the same? Why do we sometimes find ourselves staying in toxic friendships or straight up in solitude?
I can speak for myself when I say that a great deal of it has to do with fear of vulnerability. I would rather get coffee, take a yoga class, and hit up the farmer’s market alone than muster up the courage to ask a new female to go with me. But why? Fear of rejection? Am I afraid that they are going to think I am weird? Is it fear that they don’t like me? Whatever the cause, it is coming straight from the ego and not from a place of soul.
Many of us have friendships that have evolved from childhood whether that be neighborhood, elementary/high school, or college friends. While these friendships are near and dear to our hearts, some of them don’t always align with the people we are today. This is why it is important for us to be open to new friendships. Many of the friendships that I made in childhood were bonds that were created by going to parties, school, and drama; and while they have significantly evolved over the years, the humans we are today are not the kids we were then.
Many of these friends have children, husbands, and different hobbies than I. Some of them still enjoy partying and gossiping. While I still love and enjoy our time together, I have been craving more friendships that align with my soul. Friends I can go to yoga on a Sunday morning with. Friends I can connect with at a moon ritual. Friends I can grab breakfast with on the weekends. These are things that now feed my soul.
So how do we manifest these soul-aligned friendships into our lives?
As with any relationship, you have to align yourself with the type of friend you want in your life. That means, if you want a friend who goes to the farmer’s market on Sundays– Headhouse Famer’s Market in Society Hill is my fav– you have to be the type of person that gets your ass up on a Sunday morning to go to the farmer’s market. If you desire more friendships that stay away from gossip and drama, you too have to steer clear of gossip and drama. If you want friends who can go to weekend morning activities because they aren’t hungover, you have to learn to manage your alcohol intake.
You have to let your guard down (this is the hardest one for me). It is going to be scary to ask a new friend on a friend date. Rejection may happen. Maybe they don’t like you and think you are weird. However, what if that doesn’t happen? What if you meet a new woman in yoga class, you both totally vibe, and she says yes to go for coffee? You literally have nothing to lose. However, in never making a move, you could lose out on so many new friendships that resonate so deeply with your soul.
Lastly, you have to be willing to accept invitations from other potential soulful friends. This is another big one for me. We get so caught up in our day to day bullshit that we turn down invitations or we say we are going to get together and never do it. Be willing to make the time to let your new friendship flourish. They don’t need eight hours of your time or to see you once a week. A half-hour coffee date or taking an hour-long yoga class together can go a long way. If you don’t put in any effort, you can’t be upset when someone else doesn’t either.
Our thirties are a wild decade. So many of us are on different paths, however we all have one thing in common: we desire deep connection with other human beings similar to ourselves. We are social creatures, aren’t we? Female to female connections are something truly special. Sisterhood is a concept our ancestors thrived on. So let’s break the generational female divide, suck up our pride, and put ourselves out there for some beautiful friendships that could last a lifetime.
xoxo ~ b
